Autism diagnosis

 After years in and out of the care of psychiatry, including 2 inpatient admissions and countless reviews by psychiatrists since the age of around 12, I have recently undergone an intensive assessment which confirmed a diagnosis of autistic spectrum disorder. The diagnosis hasn't really sunk in yet and is resulting in significant amounts of time spent reflecting on every aspect of my personality. How does this diagnosis fit me when I am so able to switch on a personality that is friendly, engaging and personable? Which version of me is the "real" me? Is this why I have always felt so anxious and exhausted when I have to engage with people on a social level? I have no way of identifying how other people are feeling and I have always made the assumption that people I interact with are dissatisfied with me, because I have no way of telling whether that is the case and my low self-esteem leads me to this conclusion. Why is my self-esteem low? Is it because I have never felt that I fit into society?

The diagnosis has thrown up so many more questions than answers and it's difficult to know where to begin looking for answers. I'm starting by going back to basics and reading about polyvagal theory and how it relates to autism. Maybe this will give me a place to begin to understand myself from.